I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
