Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
