Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
