I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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