This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
