His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
