how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
