Porn is love you can see.
Don't make out with my wife yet
from now on my penis is your penis
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
