Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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