i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
