five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
