I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
