we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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