why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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