I puked a lego.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
