How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
