when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
