Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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