Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
