On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
