and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
