She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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