She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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