mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
