youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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