i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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