Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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