Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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