Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
