he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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