What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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