wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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