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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is that considered a cock block?

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."

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• (716): View more from New York

  Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?

  (1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm afraid to ask, but go on.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!

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