True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
