he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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