there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
