Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
