I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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