He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
