he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Panties = found
Randomize
