Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
