I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
