Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
