I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
