i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
