Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
