They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
