I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hello my rib-scented angel!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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