VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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