i love accidental penises.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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